Talk:Kylix depicting athletic combats by Onesimos

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For the first title I would exclude hyphen and late archaic period as part of the title and then include within the paragraph that it was from the archaic period. I would also exclude the whole process of red figure and black figure pottery from the lead section as the lead section should focus mostly just on the object itself. I would create a different section if you want to talk in depth about red figure, but remember to keep relating it back to the kylix

For the section on Onesimos: If there is already an article on him on wiki, which there is, you don't want to repeat information that you can already find on that wiki page. Wiki guidelines talk about not repeating information. Perhaps link his name to his page after maybe 2 describing sentences about him?

For the section Depictions: I would remove "their youth evident from their lack of facial hair" as it makes a biased assumption that lack of facial hair indicates youth. I would remove "as is seen by the pancration scene on the right on a kylix by the Foundry Painter." the image is already right next to that section.

For the section inscriptions: " earlier than Onesimos but it is now accepted" comma after Onesimos.

Your information and sources seem reliable and the article is well organized. There is a way to create a reference section that contains all your bibliography without having to create a separate bibliography section. Maybe include some more images if you can find them. Overall looks like a great start!

You have a really strong start! I just have a tiny addition to the other suggestions. "His favored name to use in his kalos descriptions was Panaitios" sounds a little wordy and unclear to me. Maybe try to tighten it up so it is more clear and concise.Kaylauer520 (talk) 05:12, 27 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Prof. Paga[edit]

Hi Lucia - this is a really good article! In addition to the solid comments from your peer-reviewer and TF, here are a few suggestions of my own.

Add more hyperlinks throughout the article (for example: Late Archaic, Attica, etc). This will help make your article more integrated.
The exterior depictions are on the side of the kylix, not the bottom. You could also use the phrases "exterior" and "interior" to differentiate.
Consider adding a few sentences (or section) about the connection between a kylix and athletic training (both elite things).

Jpaga (talk) 18:44, 1 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]