Template:Did you know nominations/Grace Hutchins

The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by Yoninah (talk) 21:23, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

Grace Hutchins[edit]

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~~... that Grace Hutchins was one of the leaders of radical Christian pacifist movement in the United States? Source: [1]~~

Reviewed: Template:Did you know nominations/Huli-huli chicken

Created/expanded by CaroleHenson (talk), Fortuna Imperatrix Mundi (talk), and Elisa.rolle (talk). Nominated by Alex Shih (talk) at 05:49, 21 July 2017 (UTC).

Substantial article on an interesting life, on good sources, offline sources accepted AGF, no copyvio obvious. - Hook: If that is the one - but I am open to ALTs: I think it would be better saying "a radical Christian pacifist movement" or "a radical Christian pacifist movement". Article: I fixed small things, such as repeat name in every new section, don't have punctuation within quote when it's needed out of it. Please look for ascending ref order. The following has nothing to do with approval, just general hints for improvement.

How do you feel about an infobox?
"along with her companion of 45 years Marxist economist and historian Anna Rochester", -I'd say "along with Anna Rochester, her companion of 45 years, a Marxist economist and historian".
How do you feel about a link for Marxist and such things?
I could imagine more lead.
"a "well-connected" East Coast family with an "elite position" in Boston society": If you want to keep the quotes for avoiding copyvio concerns, you have to repeat the ref where the quote comes from right after the quote. I think this sentence could be more elegantly phrased without any quote, - these seem no unusual terms. - Please go over the article for similar quote situations.
I'd see head mistress as already part of a career, not early life. How about "Education", then "Career".
"began drifting toward socialism": it may be my (lack of) English, but "drifting" sounds like something dangerous to me, - "leaning"?
The sentence about her meeting with Rochester is good for three ;)
"in that role she combined the duties of business executive, and actively contributed to the monthly magazine" - the "combined" has only one thing, no?
How about the image: "Per crucem gaudium" - By the Cross joy?
The link "social reform" comes late, and is a redirect. I'd drop it, or have it sooner.
"made them unpopular with the FOR, with whom their views now disagreed" - do we need that appendix? If yes, can we avoid "whom" for an organization?
Please combine one-sentence paragraphs.
Avoid "however". If you have to have one - but why - enclose it in commas.
"female- and child-labour" doesn't work for me,
The images in the personal life section "sandwich" the text. I'd drop the politician.
"her father "felt disgraced by her actions", particularly her 1927 arrest" - an arrest is no action.
"Hutchins herself believed" - what does "herself" add?

As I said: interesting! Thank you for the collaboration. --Gerda Arendt (talk) 19:24, 24 July 2017 (UTC)

Thank you Gerda for the extensive and insightful review! Majority of the changes you proposed have been implemented, would be mind taking another look later? Thanks again, Alex Shih ^Talk 09:27, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

Thank you for adjustments, I like many! - The head mistress is still under education, - I'd say "Early life and education", but place the teaching already under "Career". (+ move the pic on top of the first section, to avoid overlapping.) - I doubt that you can call the FOR a Church. - "female- and child-labour": how about "children's and women's labour conditions"? - "In comparison, her father did not approve her political activities, and he was particularly about her 1927 arrest." in comparison to what? and particularly what? - Hook: I'd avoid "leaders" as it's not even in the article, - it's a misleading word anyway. --Gerda Arendt (talk) 10:09, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

Oops! Sorry about my carelessness. I moved the head mistress part to career, changed the section heading and moved the picture. Changed "church" to "organization", and rephrased the part about her writing to your suggestion. The last part was my mistake, sorry about that. Hope the new phrasing is fine. As for the hook, I'll strike out the original and propose an alternative:

ALT1: ...that Grace Hutchins was known for promoting a radical Christian pacifist movement in the United States? Source: Kosek, Joseph Kip (2009). Acts of Conscience: Christian Nonviolence and Modern American Democracy. New York: Columbia University Press. p. 119. Alex Shih ^Talk 10:37, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

Thank you! I added one more section header, see what you think. Perhaps remind us in "Writings" what "the group" was, and in the end, where her home was when she died. I guessed New York from the context, but it doesn't hurt to repeat. - Simpler hook, - I'm no friend of "known for":

ALT2: ...that Grace Hutchins promoted a radical Christian pacifist movement in the United States?

The prep builder can choose. --Gerda Arendt (talk) 10:54, 25 July 2017 (UTC)