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Welcome![edit]

Hello, Yliu929, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.

I hope you enjoy editing here. If you haven't already done so, please complete the student training, which introduces you to editing and Wikipedia's core principles. You may also want to check out the Teahouse, a community of Wikipedia editors dedicated to helping new users. Below are some resources to help you get started editing.

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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 19:25, 1 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Your submission at Articles for creation: Noise and pilot performance (November 4)[edit]

Your recent article submission to Articles for Creation has been reviewed! Unfortunately, it has not been accepted at this time. The reason left by SwisterTwister was:
This would be an interesting article but currently looks more like a report rather than a formal encyclopedia article. Cheers,
Please check the submission for any additional comments left by the reviewer. You are encouraged to edit the submission to address the issues raised and resubmit when they have been resolved.
SwisterTwister talk 18:56, 4 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]

submission[edit]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Draft:Noise_and_pilot_performance create a new article i do not have the permission to move my article to the main space yet. the article is still in the reviewing process

Your submission at Articles for creation: Noise and pilot performance (December 3)[edit]

Your recent article submission to Articles for Creation has been reviewed! Unfortunately, it has not been accepted at this time. The reason left by Robert McClenon was:
This draft needs heavy copy-editing for grammar and syntax. This draft appears to be part of a class project that is under discussion by Wikipedia administrators.
Please check the submission for any additional comments left by the reviewer. You are encouraged to edit the submission to address the issues raised and resubmit when they have been resolved.
Robert McClenon (talk) 19:07, 3 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]


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Hello! Yliu929, I noticed your article was declined at Articles for Creation, and that can be disappointing. If you are wondering or curious about why your article submission was declined please post a question at the Articles for creation help desk. If you have any other questions about your editing experience, we'd love to help you at the Teahouse, a friendly space on Wikipedia where experienced editors lend a hand to help new editors like yourself! See you there! Robert McClenon (talk) 19:07, 3 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Some thoughts on how to improve your article draft[edit]

The Lead section: The first 1-3 paragraphs of a Wikipedia article are supposed to provide an overview for the whole article - it should cover all the major points in the article. The first sentence should be a brief statement about what the article covers - something like: "Noise impacts pilot performance [in whatever ways]." In the second sentence, perhaps you could explain why this is important, or you could discuss more specifics about how noise impacts pilot performance before talking about why it's important. After that, you could briefly mention the regulations that exist to protect a pilot's hearing.

The remainder of the article isn't that far off track. You need to fix things like capitalization, but the biggest issue at present is the lead. And quite frankly, it shouldn't be hard to fix. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 21:53, 4 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Further feedback[edit]

OK, so let's take a look at what your lead looks like, and what it should look like. As it currently stands

An undesirable sounds waves under particular environment is consider as Noise[1].Hearing loss can be resulted by varied reasons; ageing, genetic heredity, head injury, infections, certain drugs, high blood pressure, tobacco smoking, and noise, both occupational and during leisure activities.[2]Noise as one of the three major environment pollutions.An objective and subjective hearing loss are common across different occupations,it can have various impacts on human health in terms of physiological and psychological.This topic will mainly focus on some negative outcomes that aviation noise has that might lead to hearing loss and poor performance for pilots and the air crews.
As it stands now

Your first sentence says

An undesirable sounds waves under particular environment is consider as Noise[3]

You shouldn't define what noise is; that's something the average reader should be familiar with, but you should link to the noise article for the reader who isn't so sure - the power of Wikipedia is hyperlinking. You could spend a few sentences in the body of the article discussing how noise is important in the context of pilot performance, but you shouldn't spend so much time on it, and you shouldn't include such basic information about noise in the lead.

Your second sentence is about hearing loss.

Hearing loss can be resulted by varied reasons; ageing, genetic heredity, head injury, infections, certain drugs, high blood pressure, tobacco smoking, and noise, both occupational and during leisure activities.[4]

For starters, when you're writing the lead, you shouldn't include a long list of examples. Those sorts of details might belong in the body of the article, but not in the lead. Secondly, hearing loss isn't actually mentioned in the body of the article (although you do talk about some of the impacts of it in the Impacts section, you don't mention it by name). If it's important enough to mention in the lead, it's important enough to include in the body of the article. If it isn't important enough to mention in the body of the article, it doesn't belong in the lead. In either case, that long list of examples - "ageing, genetic heredity, head injury, infections, certain drugs, high blood pressure, tobacco smoking, and noise, both occupational and during leisure activities" - don't belong here, especially not the ones that pertain directly to aviation. If people want to know more, they can look at the hearing loss article. (Again, this is why linking is important.)

Third sentence

Noise as one of the three major environment pollutions.

Again, this might belong in the body of the article, but it doesn't belong in the lead. The article doesn't talk about environmental pollution, so the lead shouldn't. The article shouldn't talk abut environmental pollution; while you could say something general about noise pollution in the body of the article, where you talk about why noise is important, it's pretty peripheral. One more thing to keep in mind - statements of fact like this need supporting citations. This one does not seem to have one. And watch the sentence structure - "one of three major environmental pollutions" isn't idiomatic English usage.

Fourth sentence

An objective and subjective hearing loss are common across different occupations,it can have various impacts on human health in terms of physiological and psychological.

This sentence poses more than a few problems. To begin with, it doesn't make sense - the tense is all over the place (singular and plural), it shouldn't start with "an", and ending a sentence with "impacts on human health in terms of physiological and psychological" isn't grammatically correct. From the perspective of content though, I don't see how it belongs in the lead because doesn't appear to summarize any of the content in the article.

What it should look like

In my previous note, I suggested that it start something like

Noise impacts pilot performance [in whatever ways.]

In your first sentence you need to answer the question "how does noise affect pilot performance" in a single sentence. The rest of the lead should summarize the major points of the article. At present, the article consist of the following

  • Aviation noise
    • What is it
    • What causes it
    • How it differs between aircraft
    • Pilot distraction and workload causes by noise

The good things here are that you focus on aviation noise instead of noise in general. The other important thing is that you start to discuss how noise can affect pilot performance. How can you capture the main points of this section in a sentence? Figure it out, and add that to the lead.

  • Impact
    • Affects "emotion, stress, fatigue, side impacts on memory and poor performance"
      • Why is distraction in the previous section, and not in this one? I think it would fit better here.
    • Hearing impairment
      • This is an important topic and I'm glad you discuss it. The problem though, it that you spend a lot of time talking about it in a general sense and not in the specific context. There are other articles on Wikipedia that discuss hearing loss - don't try to recreate what exists elsewhere, just link to it. But what you need to do when you discuss hearing loss is discuss how it is important for pilot performance.
  • Cognitive impact
    • Noise can impact cognitive performance
      • This is relevant
    • Miscommunication
      • While this is important, you should take advantage of the aviation_communication article that your classmates have created and link to relevant sections therein.

You should be able to turn these two sections into a sentence, maybe two. Add that to the lead.

  • Hearing protection
  • Regulation

Again, these could be turned into a single sentence, and round off the lead.

Hope this helps. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 17:03, 7 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Oh, a few more general comments: Your capitalization is odd. Make sure that sentences and names (surnames and first names) start with capital letters. This problem is especially prevalent in your references. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 17:06, 7 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]

References

  1. ^ Ozcan, Kurtulus; Nemlioglu, Semih (2006). "In-cabin noise levels during commercial aircraft flights". Canadian Acoustics. Canadian Acoustics. Retrieved 2015. {{cite journal}}: Check date values in: |access-date= (help)
  2. ^ smedje, Greta; lunden, maria (2011). "Hearing status among aircraft maintenance personnel in a commercial airline company". Retrieved 2015. {{cite web}}: Check date values in: |accessdate= (help)
  3. ^ Ozcan, Kurtulus; Nemlioglu, Semih (2006). "In-cabin noise levels during commercial aircraft flights". Canadian Acoustics. Canadian Acoustics. Retrieved 2015. {{cite journal}}: Check date values in: |access-date= (help)
  4. ^ smedje, Greta; lunden, maria (2011). "Hearing status among aircraft maintenance personnel in a commercial airline company". Retrieved 2015. {{cite web}}: Check date values in: |accessdate= (help)

Draft:Noise and pilot performance concern[edit]

Hi there, I'm HasteurBot. I just wanted to let you know that Draft:Noise and pilot performance, a page you created, has not been edited in 5 months. The Articles for Creation space is not an indefinite storage location for content that is not appropriate for articlespace.

If your submission is not edited soon, it could be nominated for deletion. If you would like to attempt to save it, you will need to improve it.

You may request Userfication of the content if it meets requirements.

If the deletion has already occured, instructions on how you may be able to retrieve it are available at WP:REFUND/G13.

Thank you for your attention. HasteurBot (talk) 22:58, 22 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Your draft article, Draft:Noise and pilot performance[edit]

Hello, Yliu929. It has been over six months since you last edited your Articles for Creation draft article submission, "Noise and pilot performance".

In accordance with our policy that Articles for Creation is not for the indefinite hosting of material deemed unsuitable for the encyclopedia mainspace, the draft has been nominated for deletion. If you plan on working on it further, or editing it to address the issues raised if it was declined, simply edit the submission and remove the {{db-afc}} or {{db-g13}} code.

If your submission has already been deleted by the time you get there, and you wish to retrieve it, you can request its undeletion by following the instructions at this link. An administrator will, in most cases, restore the submission so you can continue to work on it.

Thanks for your submission to Wikipedia, and happy editing. Puffin Let's talk! 10:11, 26 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

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